Birds in the Sky
by cher.ri.kess
Summary: Months after being tasked with setting up the Normandy Memorial on Alchera, Jane Shepard finds herself face to face with a supposedly KIA John Shepard; Commander of the Normandy, Savior of the Citadel. A legend. A ghost. And also, her brother.[Rating may change to M. 'Romance' pairings will develop later. Not incest.]
1. Sins

_I_ _wonder how many people still read mass effect fan fiction... Regardless, thank you for reading. Bioware owns everything of course._

* * *

 **Sins**

The broken remnants of the Normandy lie in frozen stillness across Alchera's surface. The silence was deafening and heavy and with each pulse, her heart shattered against her ribs. Each step she took, her armored boots a terrible contrast against the stark white snow - she noticed, was heavier than the previous until she had eventually begun to drag herself through the snow.

The skeleton above her creaked with a harsh gust of wind and it sounded too much like a wail of pain. She closed her eyes against the blurred images of her brother's crew, ignored the pang of guilt for having only met them all once, and continued down the remainder of a corridor she did not recognize. The next few steps lead her to the destroyed bits of a galaxy map, the memory of when she met navigator Pressly surged forth, and she immediately caught the glint of dark metal.

She kneeled, buried her small gloved hands into the snow, and closed her fingers around the edge of an N7 helmet. Her heart stopped, the wind wailed against the Normandy's skeleton - cried as it rustled the twenty dog tags around her neck, and her sharp and breathless cry tore through air.

The silence descended once more, too heavy on her shoulders and back as she rocked with each sob that tore through her.

* * *

"I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this!" Alenko, voice raised and body nearly shaking with anger, stepped closer to the Commander - _her brother_ \- and his arm sliced through air. "You turned your back on everything we stood for!"

She watched the blow crush him but just as fast, his anger pieced him back together and he was in Alenko's face. It was all wrong but whatever he had mustered up to lash back at him with, it was gone. "The past is done. You need to focus on what's happening now."

The marine in front of her stepped back briefly. It was a nanosecond of weakness, she noted, and she watched the shock and hurt collide into each other and manifest into another wave of anger that the biotic allowed to seep through his soldier visage. She knew, because damn it all if she didn't share the Staff Commander's feelings about her brother. The doubt. The pain, _the absolute crushing pain that had her heart_ _in_ _a_ _vise grip._

"Enough!" She snapped, sudden and louder than the ringing in her ears. She reached forward as she took a single stride closer to Alenko, her gloved fingers gripped his shoulder and she pulled him back to her. Harsh and her grip was too tight, like she was trying to contain her feelings and Alenko's in that single hold. Her eyes never left her brother's, the hollow bitterness he wore sent her heart into overdrive and she willed it to stop pounding against chest.

"We're leaving, Commander," and they both winced at her use of his rank and she ignored the stab of guilt in her sternum.

"Jane..." She heard him say in the same second he sucked in a sharp breath, he held it and her heart stopped in her throat. She shook her head, swallowed and turned away. Her grip tightened on Alenko as she forced him to follow.

"We have to report back to the Council," the younger Shepard bit out, her gaze briefly casted back to her sibling. Her eyes stung. "Take care of yourself."

 _John, please forgive me._

* * *

Hours later after she and Staff Commander Alenko were too emotionally drained after being nearly toe to toe in a heated argument, _because you don't just yell at either Shepard and expect to be repaired of two years of guilt, grief and pain,_ the woman had finally sent her report to Admiral Hackett.

A formal writing of how absolutely absurd Horizon was as whole, how she and Alenko were paralyzed by a swarm and were still aware of the colonists, screaming and falling over one another haphazardly. How they were undoubtedly saved by Commander Shepard - _John Shepard, her brother for God's_ _sake_ \- who was not at all dead and who wore the wrong colors and looked like the shadow of a John she grew up with.

Shepard heaved a sigh and leaned back into her chair as her hands ran through the tangled mess of locks. Her brother was alive and breathing and fighting for the galaxy's safety all over again; whether she believed it or not. Despite the impossibility of it, or rather the possibility that she has finally been driven insane, she believed it. With every fiber of her being she knew she'd believe any story he'd likely tell her. As much as she wanted to kick and scream and _punch him in the goddamn face for not telling her he was alive,_ she'd believe it, and she'd be damned if she let him go through whatever the hell he was up to this time, alone.


	2. Memories

_Thanks for the faves and follows! As always, bioware owns everything._

* * *

 **Memories**

"Mom," Shepard addressed the woman before her, the word escaping her lips in an exhausted sigh. The older woman quirked a brow at her daughter and Shepard knew, in that single motion, her mother knew what plagued her. Hannah Shepard was far from unobservant, a trait she knew passed down to her children. Today, however, her daughter wished they all lacked it. She felt like a open book with text significantly larger than normal, all capitals with a thick bold font.

"The last time I saw that haunted look, it was during your brother's funeral." The woman spoke, her voice clipped. Shepard's heart stopped, _for the tenth fucking time that day,_ despite knowing her mother was too attentive to her children's emotions and expressions since birth. She was creepily spot on with who caused her daughter's distress.

"Well, you're not far off from the truth... Mom... I," Shepard choked on the lump that formed in her throat, her eyes stung and she cursed her sudden vulnerability.

"I saw him, mom. I saw him alive on Horizon and I wanted so bad to just punch him. To tell him we thought he was dead and then... Then I couldn't speak and Staff Commander Alenko was yelling at him, and after the mission he was yelling at me for not saying a damn thing... And now," the woman sucked in a sharp breath as tears streamed down her cheeks and she bowed her head. She squeezed her eyes shut as memories of John's funeral flooded her mind.

"Kas..." Said woman snapped her eyes open and straightened up like the soldier she was, but her mother knew her better than that and her expression hardened, almost scolding her for even trying to hide. "Kastanie, what happened on that mission?"

Without a moments hesitation Shepard had spoken of the colony, how she and Kaiden received backlash from the colonists as they built the defense towers. She spoke of the Collector invasion, the twisted forms of monsters, the swarms and paralysis that froze her body but kept her mind aware as colonist after colonist was abducted. She had only choked up once, and that was during her retelling of the conversation with Kaiden on the shuttle back to the Citadel.

 _"What if Cerberus is working with the Collectors and Reapers? What they're using those threats as a means to control him? He owes them and you know it."_

The two women were silent, too silent for the younger one to handle. It was Alchera all over again and the memories threatened to creep up as the silence continued to stretch for an indomitable amount of time. Finally, Hannah sighed, shifted and wiped away tears that her daughter refused to acknowledge. It meant that she had to acknowledge her own.

Voice barely above a whisper, her mother inquired; "Have you spoken to him since then?"

"No, I haven't."

"No?" Hannah frowned deeper. Shepard sighed, wishing her fears would exhale just as easily.

"What if it's true..? What if he is being controlled? You didn't see him, a shadow of the man from two years ago, with those scars from his cybernetics that were practically glaring,"

"Kastanie," Hannah interrupted, her head shaking profusely and Kastanie regretted her words. She crossed a line, a painful mistake that caught her heart in a vice grip. John was - _is_ \- her brother, regardless of what the galaxy will say of him. _No exceptions,_ she read in her mother's expression. "I'm not demanding you forgive him, but we both don't know the details of his... Resurrection... And I'm sure our worries are his owns and he is not only dealing with them alone, but also with whatever mission he is on now."

Shepard was silent afterwards, her mother's words ringing in her ears - drowning out the pounding of her heart. Ever wise, ever forgiving and ever loving was Hannah Shepard; a stark contrast to the woman's formidable background as an infiltrator and veteran of the First Contact War.

"Be there for him," Hannah added, acknowledging her daughter's silent admission of her words. "Two years for us was probably two weeks for him. He's got a lot to catch up on and the last thing he needs is isolation from his own family."

"You're right," Shepard admonished, her mother cracking a sad smile. Briefly, she returned the expression, hers more heartbroken that she'd ever admit. "I'll talk to him."

"Good," Her mother nodded and her smile brightened ever so slightly. "And when you do see John, don't forget to smack him."

Shepard spluttered a laugh, "Yeah, will do."

"And Kas?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm proud of you. Both of you. Be safe, okay?"

There was brief moment of silence as the woman regarded her mother's words. "Okay."

* * *

Hours later, after a too hot shower and untasteful dinner, Kaiden trying - and failing - to get her to meet up with him in Zakera Ward, Shepard had found herself trapped in a fitfull slumber. There were too many times she awoke in the night, tangled in the sheets that were the Collector pods in her nightmare, drenched in sweat as she tried desperately to breathe. It was 0600 when she had slogged through her apartment, the sleep that clouded her mind ever present, and made her way to the kitchen. A pot of coffee and a toasted bagel later and she found herself perched out on the balcony, the slight breeze from the Citadel's faux weather rustling her too long hair.

Shepard had just finished the last bite of her bagel, the jelly squeezing out the edges onto her fingers, when her omni-tool began to beep. She pulled up the message and growled, her teeth biting down on her fingers as she had cleaned the jelly off them. Her other hand tightened around her mug.

 _Kastanie,_

 _You think I wouldn't find out about your brother running around with Cerberus?_ _What the hell kind of game does he think he's playing? He did the buddy act when I had the gun on that Cerberus scientist, telling me he understood because his "sister faced the same horrors" as me on Akuze. Now I find out that he's working for Cerberus? I bet you won't be far behind him either._

 _Tests were done on me that you can't even imagine. For years. Cerberus did them. They tortured me. They used me as a damn lab rat. And now you're both teaming up with them like they're any other merc band?_

 _I've got my own merc team now, Kas. And I kill any Cerberus team I can find. If I run into you or your brother, don't expect any different._

Corporal Toombs. Shepard stared at the screen in disgust, her body rigid as her blood ran hot with rage not unlike a Krogan. Her biotics crackled and hissed around her fingers, _t_ _he fucking audacity he had,_ and before she could stop it - the ceramic was crushed under the force of power. Temporarily distracted by the mess she'd made of the lukewarm coffee, Shepard took her time cleaning it up.

Forty five minutes later with a new set of Alliance fatigues on she paced her apartment, her mind rolling over the message while it simultaneously planned on how she'd hunt down Toombs. It took twenty minutes for her to realize the incessant beeping from her terminal and, despite her rage that still simmered at the surface, she hurriedly answered.

"Shepard," Hackett greeted as he shifted. She couldn't see but she knew, Admiral Hackett had the habit of standing straight with his hands clasped behind himhim whenever he was preparing to drop a mission brief. "There's another colony that's suspected to be abducted, Sanctum. Like before, it'll be you and Staff Commander Alenko again."

"Sir," Shepard began, unsure of how to continue her thought without sounding insubordinate. "Permission to speak freely?"

"Permission granted, what's bothering you Lieutenant?"

"We were sitting ducks on Horizon, paralyzed by those... Insects. How will we stand a chance if they happen to come?" Her voice was an octave too high, but kept it's firm edge.

"We have that covered actually, you'll be able to upgrade your armor once on the shuttle to Sanctum." Hackett answered coolly and before she could inquire what exactly that upgrade was, he interjected; "I don't know the nitty-gritty details, but thank your brother for forwarding the research to Alliance R&D. Also, Shepard?"

It took her a fraction of a minute to get over the initial shock at the mention of John - _her brother._ She forced herself - _for the millionth time since his return_ \- to merge the two Johns together; Alliance and Cerberus allied, _they were still the same man._ "Sir?"

If he noticed her hesitation, he did not give attention, simply saluted and said; "Dress warm and good luck, Hackett out."

Despite the sour mood she was still in, Shepard smirked and returned the salute. "Yes sir."

The feed cut and Shepard sighed. Her gaze raised to the ceiling of her apartment as her mind visualized the impending days she would spend surrounded by snow.

 _So much for getting over those nightmares of Alchera._

* * *

 _For those that didn't choose the Sole Survivor psychological profile, Corporal Toombs appears to those Shepards with it back in ME1. However, I changed it here with John meeting Toombs and choosing to save the scientist despite his pysch profile being different from his sister's. Yes, this will be expanded on later._ _Also, please don't be mad at Shepard not being 'Jane'. Trust me, this is very relevant to the story. I promise!_


End file.
